four; OR adventures into friendship-dom with an ex-boyfriend, part 1.

i have come to realize that there is nothing quite as difficult as being "friendly exes."  my ex and i (more from his end than my own, but that is not the point of argument) decided after our breakup that we would be "friends."  which is a funny because we weren't friends prior to our romantic relationship, so how is it possible to salvage a "friendship" out of basically nothing? 

anyway, there is an episode of sex and the city where carrie talks about how women will keep clothing they will never wear again, yet we throw away an ex-boyfriend without an afterthought.  since sex and the city is (partially) my relationship bible, i decided that i could definitely try to make a friendship work.  afterall, what's the worst that could happen?  

so here starts my blogging about my adventures into friendship-dom with an ex-boyfriend (i'm sure i will have some other blogs posted here and there, but i am going to continually update about my: exploration-into-a-friendship-with-a-member-of-the-opposite-sex-that-i-am-still-very-attracted-to for all my valued readers (jeanne) and the entire world wide web to see! i'm sure he will appreciate knowing that i'm writing about all of this on the interweb, ha).

Meeting #1 (okay, well probably more like meeting #3 but for continuity issues i will entitle this meeting one).  

Hung out at his house, hung out at the bar, watched a movie, he slept over (nothing happened!), he left in the morning, fin.  

i've omitted all the nitty gritty parts like me saying that i will never talk to him ever again if he uses me (yes, i am a drama queen haha), or how we both openly admitted to missing each other or how we were pretty much flirting with each other the entire time... 

Prognosis:  We still get along very well on a romantic level, but can this really get past the flirtation stage?  Friends (normally) don't flirt with each other, yet I continue to let it happen.

Ex-boyfriend: 1,  Carissa: 0. 

three.

So I thought that I would write a happy blog today because I know how lame it can be to read someone's blog that is always full of complaining, anger and self-pity.   Then I realized, one of the only times I ever really feel like is writing is when I'm unhappy!  Therefore I am NOT turning a new leaf today and will continue to write about how unsatisfied I am with my life (sad, yes).   

In retrospect, I should've entitled my blog, "carissa complains a lot" in lieu of "carissa explains it all" because the only thing I seem to be explaining is my bitterness with the world right now (even sadder, but at least I can admit it).

I am so ready for a change.  These past few years of college / post-collegiate life have been a great experience.  I've made some wonderful friends, met a lot of acquaintances; yet, I still feel discontent with the current state of things.  I feel like I am finally discovering who I am as a person and while I'm not fully there yet, each day I grow closer to knowing "me."  

I am someone who is passionate about life and living.  I am someone who is caring and thoughtful.  I am someone who would give the shirt off my back to a good friend if needed.  I am someone who loves to go out and have a good time, but doesn't mind staying-in and watching a good movie either.  I am someone who likes to dance around in her underwear in front of the bathroom mirror.  I am someone who wants to be surrounded by like-minded people with like-minded goals and values; surrounded by people who would give me their shirt if I ever needed it...

and sadly, I don't think I've met a lot of people who would give me their shirt (hypothetically speaking of course).  

Like my bff says, I guess I'm just a fish that has outgrown her fishbowl.  

Now for at least a tiny-snippet of glass-half-full thought, I'm flying into Portland tomorrow for an interview with Portland State University's counseling graduate program!  It's for the the marriage, family, and couples counseling program -- something that I have a HUGE, intense love-affair with.   Can I turn those minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years of reading relationship articles into an actual career...?  Only time will tell.  I will say this, though, I have a huge (for lack for a better word) boner for the city of Portland.  Future home for my future life of fabulosity?  Sha-wing! 

Loving. It.