seven point five.

I've recently become obsessed with Michio Kaku and the Kardashev scale.

More to come later! 

seven.

Today I went and watched one of my friends, Quin, give an oral presentation at EWU's Creative Works and Research Symposium.  This is a two day culminating event that the University holds where undergraduate and graduate students can present their creative work/research that they worked on over the past school year.  Quin did a wonderful job, as did my other friend Brendan who had a poster presentation on water as a non-renewable resource in the Middle East (there's specific terminology, but I cannot remember what it is off the top of my head), and their presentations renewed the knowledge-gathering spirit within me.  

I am not a genius by any means, but I have always been above average when it comes to academia.  There have only been two subjects that completely defeated me, Calculus (although I blame the teacher for that one, she was AWFUL, right Jeanne?) and Japanese (I guess my brain is not meant to comprehend that language), but aside from that I have always performed moderately well.  I have always loved learning and there is nothing more satiating than feeling your brain wrinkle. 

Unfortunately I feel like these past few years (especially these past two years where I have been out of the academic loop due to graduating) I have not been challenged to learn.  Seeing my friends strive for academic excellence outside of the classroom (the Symposium is completely voluntary) has made me want to strive for more in my own life.  I want to learn more, I want to challenge myself more, I want to be (and I say this in the most inarticulate way) ... smarter.  

There is nothing worse than a brain ripe for knowledge becoming rotten, and I hope to keep my brain as ripe as I possibly can for as long as I possibly can (fortunately for me counselors are required to take continuing education courses throughout their licensure so I will be legally obligated to learn every year, even after graduate school).  

There's a saying, "great minds think alike."  Well I think that phrase can be slimmed down to just three words: "great minds think."   It's time I start thinking.

Song: Last Day of Magic

Band: The Kills

Album: Midnight Boom 

six...?

men: can't live with them, can't live without them.

i have never heard a statement so true! i had a friend make a comment to me, "i would love to see a happy single carissa one day." will that day ever come? will i ever be TRULY happy when single? or am i just bound to be one of those *cough*pathetic*cough* girls who needs to be in a relationship to be happy? please say it ain't so. i would HATE to be that girl.

i guess i've just gotsta be a little bit stronger! (god, is it pathetic that i think that's hard..? sigh)

song: something kinda oooh!
band: girls aloud.
album: the sound of girls aloud.

five; OR adventures into friendship-dom with an ex-boyfriend, part 2.

....... and the score is: 

Ex-boyfriend: 1,000,000, Carissa: -50

Two words: I suck.  And four more words: I lack self-control.  It's true.  There's an infamous quote in "The 40 year old Virgin" where a group of Steve Carrell's coworkers tell his character that he's "putting the p*ssy on the pedestal."  I guess I suffer from the inverse of that affliction.  It's time that I start practicing more self control and not let my 'alone-ness' get the better of me.  After all, who is going to buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, knawwhatimsayin'?  And why open up old wounds?  Not really worth it, if you ask me.  Now I just need to learn how to stick firm to what I plan.  Three words:  No means no.   

In other news I will be attending Portland State University in the Fall for the Masters program in Couples, Marriage and Family Counseling!  I will be (hopefully) in the graduating class of 2012, which means that I'm guaranteed three years in the beautiful city of Portland.   I'm excited for the change of scenery and the change of atmosphere.  Portland is so different from Cheney and I cannot wait to be surrounded by like-minded people and in a metropolitan area!  Not to mention voodoo donuts, yum!  Of course the normal fears run through my head: finding new friends, finding a place to live, financing my education, etc, but I know that the fears will subside as soon as I arrive there.  

I've decided that I'm going to finish off my blogs with a song that I'm currently listening to.  I am completely addicted to walking to work with my iTouch (thanks Ryan!) and couldn't imagine another walk in silence.  I have a strange / horrible habit of listening to a song I like on repeat for about a billion and one times until I no longer like the song anymore, so I predict that I'll end up hating this Interpol song by the end of the week.  

My current streaming song OR the song I will hate in a few short days- 

Song: "Say Hello to the Angels"

Artist: Interpol.  

Album: Turn on the Bright Lights. 

Sidenote: Take a look at the album artwork for Turn on the Brights Lights and then take a look at Radiohead's Amnesiac album cover... very similar if you ask me.  Maybe a little TOO similar.  

four; OR adventures into friendship-dom with an ex-boyfriend, part 1.

i have come to realize that there is nothing quite as difficult as being "friendly exes."  my ex and i (more from his end than my own, but that is not the point of argument) decided after our breakup that we would be "friends."  which is a funny because we weren't friends prior to our romantic relationship, so how is it possible to salvage a "friendship" out of basically nothing? 

anyway, there is an episode of sex and the city where carrie talks about how women will keep clothing they will never wear again, yet we throw away an ex-boyfriend without an afterthought.  since sex and the city is (partially) my relationship bible, i decided that i could definitely try to make a friendship work.  afterall, what's the worst that could happen?  

so here starts my blogging about my adventures into friendship-dom with an ex-boyfriend (i'm sure i will have some other blogs posted here and there, but i am going to continually update about my: exploration-into-a-friendship-with-a-member-of-the-opposite-sex-that-i-am-still-very-attracted-to for all my valued readers (jeanne) and the entire world wide web to see! i'm sure he will appreciate knowing that i'm writing about all of this on the interweb, ha).

Meeting #1 (okay, well probably more like meeting #3 but for continuity issues i will entitle this meeting one).  

Hung out at his house, hung out at the bar, watched a movie, he slept over (nothing happened!), he left in the morning, fin.  

i've omitted all the nitty gritty parts like me saying that i will never talk to him ever again if he uses me (yes, i am a drama queen haha), or how we both openly admitted to missing each other or how we were pretty much flirting with each other the entire time... 

Prognosis:  We still get along very well on a romantic level, but can this really get past the flirtation stage?  Friends (normally) don't flirt with each other, yet I continue to let it happen.

Ex-boyfriend: 1,  Carissa: 0. 

three.

So I thought that I would write a happy blog today because I know how lame it can be to read someone's blog that is always full of complaining, anger and self-pity.   Then I realized, one of the only times I ever really feel like is writing is when I'm unhappy!  Therefore I am NOT turning a new leaf today and will continue to write about how unsatisfied I am with my life (sad, yes).   

In retrospect, I should've entitled my blog, "carissa complains a lot" in lieu of "carissa explains it all" because the only thing I seem to be explaining is my bitterness with the world right now (even sadder, but at least I can admit it).

I am so ready for a change.  These past few years of college / post-collegiate life have been a great experience.  I've made some wonderful friends, met a lot of acquaintances; yet, I still feel discontent with the current state of things.  I feel like I am finally discovering who I am as a person and while I'm not fully there yet, each day I grow closer to knowing "me."  

I am someone who is passionate about life and living.  I am someone who is caring and thoughtful.  I am someone who would give the shirt off my back to a good friend if needed.  I am someone who loves to go out and have a good time, but doesn't mind staying-in and watching a good movie either.  I am someone who likes to dance around in her underwear in front of the bathroom mirror.  I am someone who wants to be surrounded by like-minded people with like-minded goals and values; surrounded by people who would give me their shirt if I ever needed it...

and sadly, I don't think I've met a lot of people who would give me their shirt (hypothetically speaking of course).  

Like my bff says, I guess I'm just a fish that has outgrown her fishbowl.  

Now for at least a tiny-snippet of glass-half-full thought, I'm flying into Portland tomorrow for an interview with Portland State University's counseling graduate program!  It's for the the marriage, family, and couples counseling program -- something that I have a HUGE, intense love-affair with.   Can I turn those minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years of reading relationship articles into an actual career...?  Only time will tell.  I will say this, though, I have a huge (for lack for a better word) boner for the city of Portland.  Future home for my future life of fabulosity?  Sha-wing! 

Loving. It.

two.

i think i have insomnia.. or just really bad sleeping habits. not quite sure what it is. i normally don't fall asleep until after 2am and i work at 8am; i collectively get a total of maybe 20 hours of sleep a weekday (meaning around 4 hours of sleep every week night, as opposed to the 6-8 that are recommended). however once the weekend comes around i do nothing BUT sleep. i need to start getting on a better sleeping schedule. these late nights / early mornings aren't doing anything for me.

tomorrow i need to:
1. make sure my b.c. prescription is sent to safeway for pick-up.
2. apply for the jobs i said i was going to apply for tonight (ugh procrastination, i tell ya).
3. get all my work stuff together.

wow, that list is mighty boring! adult-life ... how phun! (psyche).

i predict more interesting blogs in the future....

for now though, i'm just going to twitter away my insomnia.